Let me begin by saying that letting God be in charge and being faithful is a first for me! I am in my 60s, and my walk of faith is in its infancy stage. I am just now realizing that he is with me every step of the way in my life and in this new venture. Believe me when I say I am only recently trusting in God because it’s somewhat foreign to me. My faith has been lacking since I was 6 years old. As a child who lost her birth mother in a car wreck at the age of 2, her father at the age of 6 in a plane crash and survived a stepmother who came into her life at the age of 3, who consequently put a family in crisis shortly thereafter, I was clueless about this “faith thing.” Read my book My Five Moms.
I felt angry at God until adulthood. What kind of God takes away both parents of 5 children under the age of 9 and leaves them in the care of a woman who proves to be incapable of caring for them, loving them, and keeping them safe? What kind of God leaves children to be subjected to abuse and neglect? It happens every day. The God that I have come to depend on today, I realize, has been taking care of me for a long time. He’s probably been speaking to me all along, but I am just now listening! I think my partner (and former foster sister) probably wishes he would quit! LOL!
I was hardened by life’s circumstances, angry at my situation, and maintaining a quiet, distant demeanor as a protective shield. But, I kept a smile on my face, and I was determined to make my own way, believing that having faith in myself was the only way to survive. I was jealous and envious of those with “perfect families,” which I now know don’t exist. However, that is a powerful mix for motivation! I lived my life being motivated in those ways until I began to understand what and who God is and that what he can accomplish through us is beyond our human comprehension.
It has taken a lifetime for me to realize that I will not get answers to my questions about the unfairness in the world, but, when I am standing in front of the Lord at the end of this life, you can bet I will have many, many questions!! I can only speak for myself and not my siblings: one brother who is now deceased, having lived a life of struggle; a sister who continued to have abusive relationships and is now in full-time care; another brother who is living a successful life with love and family; and another brother who is successful and happy, as far as I know.
And then there’s me, disrupting a quiet retired life, listening to God tell me that I can make a difference in many girls’ lives such as mine if I will only take “A LEAP OF FAITH”!! Lordy, Lordy, have I stepped in it now! I started with an idea, developed a vision, brought my foster sister in as a partner, and created a board of 10 strong women. Now I am getting ready to start building “North Texas Geary Girls Ranch,” a foster home community for teenage girls, named after the Geary family who were instrumental in my good foster care. We will break ground next month!
I have faith in our mission, our people, our programs, and our volunteer support. The ranch will be built on donated property, which is a blessing enabling us to move forward. Every time I offer up a prayer for someone or something to happen, God answers! I can’t help but respond, “Really, Lord, seriously? So, there’s no turning back now; I’m listening to you.” I’m working towards our goal, and I can see the vision coming to fruition. In the month of May, which is National Foster Care Month, I hope for us to put our “building campaign” in place because funding this project is still “A LEAP OF FAITH,” but I keep praying and talking to God, and he keeps listening and answering!
Happy Easter to all! It’s the beginning of new life, the beginning of changing lives for us at North Texas Geary Girls Ranch. AMEN!
Susie Black Holamon